The 'Studious' Night before EVS exam

Course is not taught, books are scarce, everyone is frustrated. Dr. Dan, assuming that he is the greatest environmentalist out here holds a conference with me (who as always is studying at the last moment), Bhaai( who studies almost every second before the exam but somehow screws up the paper), Coder( who studies only the most important topics of the exam and relates and answers the other by his intelligence or something like that), Mandavli( who, given a chance, will find a way not to study and say that everything is 'Lalua') and
Satellite, in a mood of irritating everyone and making fun, asks a very interesting and eventually debatable question to Dr.Dan, " If you were in a the middle of drought affected land what the hell would you do?"

Me :  He'll run away.

Coder: What the fuck will you do? You surely won't do farming. I'll tell you what Satellite will do. Since there won't be any water around he'll shit and wander with a dirty ass in search of it!

Bhaai ( with his complacent look): Sahi hai Bhaaaai!

Satellite(Irritated with his Maa Ka look) : I am just asking what precautions will you take in a drought?

Coder: I just told you you'll roam around with a shitty ass!

Satellite: Do you know there was a drought in Bengal?

Coder: If its Bengal, talk to Kandy. Ch***u , aadha ghanta ho gya, g****d mar rakhi hai! Padhne de!

Dr. Dan( while Itching his head): Ye Sanitation aa sakta hai bhai.

Mandavali( showing his defective fingers): Dekho ye aa sakta hai ja sakta hai ka scene create mat karo, mujhe kuch nahn aata, meri g***d mat maro tum.Tum log padh chuke ho.

Coder: Kuch nahn padha bhaai!

Coder: Ye aaega 8 marks ka. Padhna padhta hai bhaai. Aas paas ke log dekhke padhna padhta hai. Koi bata to de ek side se.

Dr. Dan: hmmmhmmmhmmmmhmmmmhmmmmhmmmmmm( dunno what the fuck he was reading!)

Bhaai to me (Shockingly): Ye HIV positive bandon mein virus hota hai?

Coder: HIV can enter a body through vein, injection, drug use, the penis, anus, rectum, vagina, mucus membranes, eyes! acha aankhon se bhi!. Yaar aakhon se kaise kar sakte hain?

Bhaai: Eyes se contact se ho jata hai?

Coder(laughing): Bhaai aisa hota to sabko AIDS hota !

Me: Ab tum eyes leke neeche jaoge aur kahn aankh lag gayi to ho sakta hai !

Bhaai (Amused remembering the video he had seen): Wo wali dekhi thi, feet se start kiya tha usme!

Me: Ab tum sab kuch kar rahe ho to hoga hi

Dr.Dan: Yaar 26 sq km ki to country hai.

Me: Kaunsi?

Coder: Virus and diseases blah blah blah

Dr.Dan: Tuvalu

Bhaai: Yar isne US aur Australia ko sue kara tha.

Dr. Dan: Island hai ek 26 sq km ka bas. Maze maarlo pure usme.

Coder: Log rehte hain?

Dr. Dan: Haan

Coder(Amazed for no reason): Kya baat kar raha hai?!

Dr. Dan: It is 5 m above sea level.

Coder: Baarish aa gayi to?

Bhaai: Tez rain mein hi doob jaenge kya?

Coder: Haan

Bhaai: Yaar sea level kaise badh sakta hai. Kitna negligible hoga . Pehle pure world ka badhega.

Mandavli: Ye baat to hai.

Coder: Mumbai mein bhi to aisa hi hua tha.

Mandavli: Mumbai mein baarish kyun aayi thi? kyunki gutters were jammed.

Coder(laughing): Jam rahenge hi. You shit so much!

everybody laughing out their asses. :D


 Mandavli (Irritated seeing Mumbai's name is tattered) : Kam se kam sea to dikhta hai. We don't c** like you and say its a sea( white).


Coder: Amitabh Bachhan ko dekh, flood aa raha hai and dekh raha hai.


Bhaai: Amitabh ke ghar bhi aa gayi thi?

Me: To paas se jaegi uske ghar se?

Mandavli: Abey wo beach ke saamne rehta hai wo.

Me: Haan Juhu beach pe.

Mandavli: Nahn nahn wo dusre ghar pe rehta hai.

Coder: Tune dekha hai Amitabh ke ghar?

Mandavli: Haan dekha hai na.

Coder: Bell baja ke bhaag jata!

Mandavli: Mein uske ghar bell bajane jaunga  na to 100 guards aakar gunpoint pe meri maar lenge!

Coder: Abey bijli bomb phenk deta!

Dr. Dan : Abey wo yaad hai.. Spiderman Bhojpuri mein.

Me: Nahn yaad nahn hai.

Coder: By having sexual intercourse with a HIV infected  person.

Mandavli: Abey wo sahi tha Gujrati mein Spiderman, Rasiya Muthiya Muthiya Rasiya!

Coder: Feeding se bhi ho jata hai?

Mandavli: Isko haina bas yahi padhna hai. AI likha hua dikhe aur ye bhaaisab chalu! Jahan nahn hoga wahan bhi likh aaega.

Coder: Mehnat se padha hai . I'll definitely write.

Everyone seemed to be oblivious of the fact that the EVS paper was a tough one, atleast for those who didn't study for it. But eventually it went just fine considering all the bucker that we had!.. That's all folks !

Prologue : Meet the Buckers!

December The 13th! amidst the end sem exams while all the popats were busy mugging and licking and (publicly inappropriate terms of verbs)ing the unlightening lines of borrowed and stolen books which unconsciously provides ways to destroy the mental environment of a student, came a voice " Mote thoda udhar hat na, tu teen aadmiyon ki jagah khata hai " thus giving rise to the motion of tectonic beds of room 212( palindrome!) he stressed the weak woods, counting their last breaths, to move his @$$ by a distance dx [apparent work done infinity but actual work done tending to 0].

Dr. Dan retaliated with, "Bas kar neeche girayega kya?, Juta dekha hai mera? " 


The Cooker seductively replied, " Meri chappal aur bhi sexy hai!"

Pissed Kandy said, " Mere taang par se hat warna tere **** pe laat mar dunga."

Meanwhile Hollow Man brought us back to the topic saying, " Abey ch********ti band karo yar, likhna chalu karo" and ET gets back to typing.

So  let me tell you, let you tell me about these Buckers.

Dr. Dan : Mammoth Evil Scientist who unconsciously brought the DCD(another palindrome!) code into     existence, currently on a covert mission to popularize Agra through his research papers. One more thing , unknown disorder detected(classified!) .

The Cooker: He cooks real nice with his words and hands. Too seductive in nature. Gave a new pronunciation to the word MKL ( guess what?) Has a supernatural power of aiding all Buckers to take unauthorized night outs.

Kandy: The most academically intelligent Bucker, still dumb as he doesn't know Bengali after living 18 years in West Bengal but insists I know " Actu, Actu". Spreads like a liquid.( remember the movie?). Agitated yet responsible occupant of 212. Clever with the tongue.


Hollow Man: Scary appearance at night, hard to physically detect him in his bed in the morning specially with his blanket on. Has a grin too wide for his face, eats 4X times the apparent capacity and stores in perhaps his third stomach.( we are quite sure he has two.).

ET:  Actor, Singer, Rapper(the Gujju way ;)). Allrounder. Uncanny talent of mimicry - can enact anyone from Faculty Members to Ketchup. Loves to play vaanar vaanar. Zombie looks, restless eyes! Has a verrry high L.Q. An encyclopaedia of movies and songs....


"Lundry wala aagaya hai, kapde dene chal raha hai kya? enn?". We were interrupted by Satellite's transmission. Oh yeah! Satellite!

Satellite: Little man with big wits. Has info on virtually every f***ing hot topic in college. Has an amusing way of abusing. Very studious. For FREE private tuition contact Room 235. The whole of MAE hails him. Sethji ka raaj hai!

***

After trusting the LundryGuy with our clothes, entered Mandavli and said, ''Kya Kandy?! Chai peene chalta hai kya?"

Mandavli: The Gamer. Loves to spread peace and make truce between 2 warriors. If Gandhiji were alive he would've kissed him to death. Loves to show off his underwear. Loves Tea like anything. Currently holds the record for ummm... lets keep it classified.

"Chal chalte hai. Waise bhi EVS kisko padhna hai? ", Kandy replied.

And came Podolski. Sprinting as always.

Podolski: Fast but not furious. Perhaps the fastest guy around. Silent CamMan . Moves around looking for opportunities to get people on camera, embarrassing themselves. Footballer with a nice hand in photoshop editing.

Podolski said, " Haan chal chalte hain".

Lazy Bizkit replied, " Yaaaarrrrrrr! mein nahn chal raha .. mujhe gym jana hai. " and went straightaway to Coder's room  and asked , " oye .. oye... oye... Gym chal raha hai .. ?"

Coder replied, " Padhunga bhai mein.. 9 baje book de dunga.. " . Knowing this all Bizkit had to say was, " Yaaaaarrrrrrrrr!"

Lazy Bizkit: Cries day and night. Yaaaarrrr!! Keeps cleansing himself. Baba Ramdev's Ultimate fan. Keeps questioning people : Am i not becoming slimmer? Are there pimples on my face? And...  Yaaarrr!! Bandi Chahiye Yaaaarrr!!! 

Coder: Owns a library with programming books on PHP, Ajax, VBscript, Javascript and many more. Nerdy looking. Studies night and day with Music on! Often Swifted by Taylor. The future of Body Building.
Currently the Rajesh Khanna of 2011. (Dude that muffler!)

" Kyaa Bhaaaaaai!", the longest Bhaaaaai you will ever hear, comes The Bhaai.

The Bhaai: Always does something with his  Monty ,  wonder what the f**k keeps him interested. Japanically cute looking guy but devilish pinch inside. One of the nicest teen mustaches you'll ever find on a face. The biggest advantage the guy has is that he looks 15 although 19.

"Mein bhi chalunga Chai peene!"

Kandy interjected, " Babaji aur Desi Boy ko bhi bula lete hain ".

Oh yeah Babaji and Desi Boy.

Babaji:  The ultimate preacher, source of proverbs of ancient saints. Has a lover's heart. Has a kid face and is quite amiable. Loves his mustache although he looks ********** with it, so ultimately lost it. All thanks to Dr. Dan.

Desi Boy: A perfect example of a Desi Boy, hence the name. Hefty , the Akhada body. Has a high affinity for the Cooker. Loves to devote time to those who please him.( you explore the meaning ;) ) .. Phrases he likes, " M** ** ****i" and " Dil khush kar diya tune, aaj tujhe ek ghanta dunga" 


Distant voice, " B**** k* *******, M*********d, Kahan hai".

Not so distant voice, " Chal raha hai chai peene", asked BodyBuilder.

Bodybuilder: Self Obsessed, loves to mess around with Dr. Dan. Loves to flaunt a lot. "Mujhse acha koi nahn dikhta hai, sun raha hai?!". Finds every other guy a .. you know. But totally okay with sharing and one guy you'd really need while in a fight or otherwise.

***

After a lovely chai in f***ing chilling winter, the Buckers head back to their hostel. Climbing the stairs leading to the second floor, the Cooker asks, "Oye Kandy! Lattu kidhar hai?!"

"Room mein hi hai. So raha hoga.", he replied.

Lattu: Has a wierd laugh. eh heh eh heh ehe (much like a horse neighing). Busy 24x7 talking to girls. Unfortunately, chatting and texting cannot be featured in his CV (oh wait! maybe Hobbies section). Loves to curl his fringes.Stays out most of the time (yup!).

As we near room 212...
"B*** k* L****! fir room band karke chala gaya! ", Kandy cried.

See, told you he stays out. And now so will Kandy.